One Off Topics

I Am Glad I Am Not The Only One

Mon, 2016-01-25 18:19

There is one thing that seems to happen to me every time every time I visit a store. The first time it happened I was in a big department store, and I was maybe fourteen. And no, I did not look mature for my age.

I am the eternal victim of something that should never happen. This is not quite up to the embarrassment level of asking an overweight woman "When is the baby due?" but it does involve a question that should never be asked.

"Do you work here?"

First of all, if you are in a store and the person you are addressing has a name tag prominently displaying the name of the store along with their own name and you ask them that question they will automatically think you are annoyingly stupid. When I worked in a big box the question would drive my friends up the wall. It never really bothered me, because I would always answer with something like "No mostly I stand around with my hands in my pockets".

But that is not what I came here to whine about. The thing is, whenever I am in a store, any store at all, I am constantly asked that question. A few notable incidents stand out in my mind.

At one time I made my living as a gardener. The gig was not far from my house and usually I would go home and clean up a bit after work before going into town. I guess you could say I really got into my work. I didn't just get dirty. I would get ground in, stinky, dirt in your hair, muddy, perhaps bloody Pigpen kind of dirty, the kind of dirty people notice. Anyway for some reason on this particular day I found myself in a grocery store pushing a shopping cart when someone asked me The Question. Really?

Another time I went into Walmart. I had taken off my nametag but I was still wearing my Kmart shirt. She asked me The Question and when I said no she argued that I was wrong. I think I would know...

And then there are the plant nurseries. I can't begin to visit a greenhouse without at least 5 people asking my opinion on a certain plant. This does not bother me at all because the reason I ever got into the plant trade at all was because I found at an early age I knew more about the plant in question than whoever is running the register.

Now here comes the funny part.

I was at a plant store.

I hang out at this particular store a lot and I am accustomed to being asked The Question there, I always reply "What do you need?" This time I had a question of my own. I asked the lady standing there and she went over to help. In the course of our conversation it was revealed that she did in fact not work there. I apologized. A woman nearby overheard our conversation.

She said: "Wait, I am sorry, do you two actually not know each other? I thought you were twins."

I looked at the other lady and saw a beautiful girl maybe 10 years my junior. She did not say anything. All I could think to say was: "I am flattered".

Just Because I Just Gotta Post This Year

Sun, 2009-07-12 21:07

I know a better blogger would know a way to chronicle my life. My life is sometimes very interesting, some have even said bizarre. Maybe I should call on the blogosphere to give me advice. Lord knows I need advice. One of my problems made front page news 3 weeks in a row so far with no resolution on the way.

I know my posts are sometimes cryptic. That does not gain readership, it is only an inside joke for the three or four folks who know what is going on. My apologies to the rest of you.

This year is unusual because I have been more doing than learning. This is not normal for me and I know it is not sustainable. But it does bring in the bucks.

If I can post something interesting soon that will not betray a confidence, I will do it. If not, I will continue to pay the bills and come back when I do have something to say. Otherwise, just give me a call.

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Mon, 2008-11-17 03:34

I do not know what the word religion means. I think it may be a set of rules that people with my belief set follow. I probably break all those rules pretty often.

I consider myself a Christian. I follow in the ways of Christ. What did Christ do? He loved and forgave every individual he met. That is the challenge to me, to learn to love every person I meet just as they are.

That's all it is, folks. I believe it is not my place to judge or decide if you are a good person. It is my job to love you. It is your decision how you will react.

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You Never Know when You Pick Up The Phone...

Sat, 2008-08-23 20:35

The phone rings a lot around here. During the day it is usually someone asking a question about the business. At night the kid gets his turn when his friends call to talk. When the phone rang tonight I automatically handed it to him.

But this time the call was for me. A lady I know was asking me if I know anything about chickens. Sadly, no, I don't know all that much about chickens.

"Well, the thing is, one of our roosters has gone mean and is attacking the kids."

"Hey I do know this much, you shoot it."

She wanted to know if she could eat it. I thought it would be ok as long as the rooster was not too old.

"So, exactly how do you kill a chicken?"

Believe it or not, I know in general how to answer this question. I have even done it, many many years ago.

"Well, you get you a stick of firewood that can stand up on end. You get you a hatchet. You put your chicken in a burlap sack, with the head sticking out. You put the neck on the wood, take the hatchet, and chop it's head off. Then you hold on to the sack, hard."

She took it well. She even asked the next logical question: "What do you do next?"

My experience does not extend to plucking chickens. I am pretty sure it involves boiling water.

The Internet is a big place. If any of my gentle readers has a clue as to how to get the chicken from bag to fryer, please speak up now.

Think of the children.

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It Was Bound To Happen

Sun, 2007-11-25 21:26

Maybe it happened long ago and nobody bothered to tell me. I always knew it was inevitable when I decided to start a weblog. Most bloggers would see it as a non-issue, but as you know we are all wired differently. This is my own private little demon.

That's right, someone I am connected with IRL found this website and connected it with me.

Hello old friend! Smiling

Yep. I really am this boring. Sorry. Part of the problem is being able to see both sides of a story so well that I cannot form an opinion. Sometimes that is good and it can make me a good friend, but not necessarily a good writer. Sorry.

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What If...

Sat, 2007-11-24 02:35

What if I wrote something here that was really clever and someone read it and was moved to comment?

That would be really neat, but it really wouldn't change anything. Comments are exciting, but once another post is up, the original post gets archived, and all there is is archived comments.

What if I wrote something that touched you in such a way that you would stop at nothing until we were friends?

That would be awesome.

What if I built a website that inspired many people, and helped them connect to others who share their interests?

That is what I want to do. I only have to capture their imagination, build a promise, and inspire trust.

I am excited.

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