Smokin in the Boy's Room

Wed, 2010-05-05 22:01

So I was working in the restaurant one day, running the cash register. That kinda puts me in charge by default, without any official power. They trusted me enough to handle huge stacks of cash, but not enough to make the decisions to keep the place running long enough to close up and get home. I am cool with that, but on this particular occasion my loyalties do get tested.

During this particular shift Ellen comes out of the kitchen and tells me that Juan has caught a couple waitresses smoking something reeeally funny.

Now I don't really care what the waitresses do as long as they tables happy. I do however know that Ellen is very straight and will probably tell the owner what happened. I figure I better get to the bottom of this right away.

I go and find Juan. Juan is fresh outa Mexico. We are pretty good friends because most nights I take the Mexicans wherever they want to go and then home. We have a pretty good rapport and therefore I am surprised when I asked him what happened to have him tell me, in Spanish:

"Lady, your dress is black"

I know when I am getting the runaround. I proceed to tell him in extremely broken Spanish that the owner will ask me and therefore I am asking him.

Juan understands and walks me to the men's room. He demonstrates what happened. Seems our rocket scientist waitresses not only think the men's room is the proper place to smoke their hooch but that is unnecessary to check the stalls.

Don't you people know about the dumpsters? I mean really...

So I call the owner on the phone.

Owner: Did that really happen?

Me: Yes Juan really took a crap.

Not sure whatever happened to the waitresses.

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Just Because I Just Gotta Post This Year

Sun, 2009-07-12 21:07

I know a better blogger would know a way to chronicle my life. My life is sometimes very interesting, some have even said bizarre. Maybe I should call on the blogosphere to give me advice. Lord knows I need advice. One of my problems made front page news 3 weeks in a row so far with no resolution on the way.

I know my posts are sometimes cryptic. That does not gain readership, it is only an inside joke for the three or four folks who know what is going on. My apologies to the rest of you.

This year is unusual because I have been more doing than learning. This is not normal for me and I know it is not sustainable. But it does bring in the bucks.

If I can post something interesting soon that will not betray a confidence, I will do it. If not, I will continue to pay the bills and come back when I do have something to say. Otherwise, just give me a call.

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The Great Car Project of 2008

Fri, 2008-12-19 19:21

This story is not nearly as interesting as I had hoped it would be. I had envisioned a big old car carrier pulling up in front of my house and dropping off something nice, allowing for lots of photo opportunities. Turns out that my road is not at all suitable for an 80-foot truck, and the delivery took place in the middle of the night, in the rain, several miles from here. I did not even go to see it all happen. I am such a humbug sometimes. I will still tell ya what happened under the condition that you DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

It all started a couple of months back when my kid found a cute little sports car he wanted to buy. It was listed on E-Bay. I did my best to convince him that buying the car was little wiser than stuffing his life savings into a box and mailing it to a random address on the other side of the country. He was not discouraged and very soon had wired his fortune off to somewhere in California.

Next came the process of arranging the shipping. While it may have been easier and less time consuming to simply drive out there and get the thing, the kid instead interviewed numerous shipping companies. Our phone rang off the hook for about two weeks. The person on the other end always had a very interesting accent and talked way too fast. Finally a decision was made and the calls tapered off gradually.

Some days after that the car title came in the mail. This was rather encouraging.

A couple of weeks passed, and finally we get call from the truck driver. He told us not only was there really a car, but that he had picked it up and that it looked and handled great. The next day a lady called and said the truck, with the car on it, had been put into the shop. The repair would be delayed because of the Thanksgiving holiday, but they expected to have it on the road on Monday. After that it took about a week and a half to cross the country.

The happy day finally came and the car arrived. It seemed to be in pretty good shape. It was actually a salvage vehicle and had to be inspected by the state inspector. He came by after about another week and a few wax jobs. The car passed the test. After that the kid was able to get a license plate and insurance and actually drive the thing.

Here are some photos of the happy ending.

PC140007 PC140031 PC140037 PC180044

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Happy Third Birthday

Tue, 2008-12-09 12:02

According to my user account, I first logged into this blog three years ago today. The posts have been hit or miss and somewhat unfocused. More often than not I have little to talk about, other times I am unable to organize my thoughts well enough to put them into words. Still, I enjoy having a home base on the web and I see no reason to abandon this project.

I may have some interesting news in the next day or two when the Great Car Project of 2008 finally becomes tangible. Check back, it might just turn out to be interesting.

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Mon, 2008-11-17 03:34

I do not know what the word religion means. I think it may be a set of rules that people with my belief set follow. I probably break all those rules pretty often.

I consider myself a Christian. I follow in the ways of Christ. What did Christ do? He loved and forgave every individual he met. That is the challenge to me, to learn to love every person I meet just as they are.

That's all it is, folks. I believe it is not my place to judge or decide if you are a good person. It is my job to love you. It is your decision how you will react.

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You Never Know when You Pick Up The Phone...

Sat, 2008-08-23 20:35

The phone rings a lot around here. During the day it is usually someone asking a question about the business. At night the kid gets his turn when his friends call to talk. When the phone rang tonight I automatically handed it to him.

But this time the call was for me. A lady I know was asking me if I know anything about chickens. Sadly, no, I don't know all that much about chickens.

"Well, the thing is, one of our roosters has gone mean and is attacking the kids."

"Hey I do know this much, you shoot it."

She wanted to know if she could eat it. I thought it would be ok as long as the rooster was not too old.

"So, exactly how do you kill a chicken?"

Believe it or not, I know in general how to answer this question. I have even done it, many many years ago.

"Well, you get you a stick of firewood that can stand up on end. You get you a hatchet. You put your chicken in a burlap sack, with the head sticking out. You put the neck on the wood, take the hatchet, and chop it's head off. Then you hold on to the sack, hard."

She took it well. She even asked the next logical question: "What do you do next?"

My experience does not extend to plucking chickens. I am pretty sure it involves boiling water.

The Internet is a big place. If any of my gentle readers has a clue as to how to get the chicken from bag to fryer, please speak up now.

Think of the children.

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